Song Lyrics Weird Al - Your horoscope for today    [Lyrics & Song Text Archive] lyrics archive>> W>> Weird Al Singer Lyrics [Weird Al other resources]>> Your horoscope for today Song Lyrics Author/Artist/Singer: Weird Al Music Title/Track: Your horoscope for today Theme ID: 5929 Album: N/A AQUARIUS! There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A- Mole 17 hours a day PISCES! Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say ARIES! The look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40-pound watermelon in your colon Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep TAURUS! You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today GEMINI! Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence Your love life will run into trouble your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest CANCER! The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test LEO! Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik VIRGO! All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true. Where was I? LIBRA! A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week SCORPIO! Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window Work a little bit harder on improving your low self esteem, you stupid freak SAGITTARIUS! All your friends are laughing behind your back... kill them Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den CAPRICORN! The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person... but you know they're lying If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today Related Lyrics Random lyrics: Aardvark, Ahmish Paradise, Alligator, Alternative Polka, Amoeba, Angry White Boy Polka (Includes Angry White Boy Na, Angry With Boy Polka, Asshole Sun, Attack Of The Radioactive Hampster From A Planet N, Attack Of The Radioactive Hampsters From A Planet, Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet N, Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a Planet Near Mars, Avocado, Baby Got Jack, Baby Likes Burping, Barneys On Fire, Barneys On Fire, Belvedere Cruising, Bichney Spears, Big And Loud, Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota, Bimbo Number 5, Bologna, Bomb Iraq, Bomb That Iraqi Boy, Born To Be Mild, Brady bunch, Bye Me A Condo, Cabletv, Cafeteria Mold, Callin in Sick, Callin In Sick Today, Carnival Of The Animals Part Two, Introduction, Cats In The Kettle, Cheerios Apple Jacks Cheerios, Chewy, Chicken Pot Pie, Christmas Memories Of Weird Al Yankovic, Christmas Memories Or Weird Al Yannkovic, Cockroaches, Cockroachs, Constipated, Couch Potato(Lose Yourself Parody), Dead Car Battery Blues, Dont Shoot Mister Postman, Dont Wear Those Shoes, Dr. Dementos 15th Anniversary Special, Dr. Dementos 15th Anniversary Special, eBay, Elmos Got A Gun, Other Weird Al song Lyrics Albuquerque Lyrics Alternative Polka Lyrics Amish paradise Lyrics Cavity search Lyrics E-Bay Lyrics Eat It! 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